What You Can Do NOW To Start Feeling Better After Your Separation Or Divorce-Quick Tips, Idea's And Suggestions




The initial few weeks following your separation or divorce can seem to be devastating , overwhelming and despairing. Maybe you are feeling extreme sadness , depression or anxiety . This is quite natural , nonetheless its equally natural to wish to feel better ,to see some relief from these strong emotions. The next idea’s will , hopefully , offer you an array of tools , coping strategies and concepts to help you in the early days following separation or divorce. They aren't meant to be a substitute for professional services offered by psychologists , counselors or doctors. If you are extremely depressed we recommend and encourage you to talk to your family doctor immediately.

coping with divorce

From the divorce recovery groups and workshops we have run , over many years , the following concepts , tips and strategies are what participants of our groups have found to be very helpful in dealing with the stresses and strong emotions experienced following your relationship breakdown.



1. Talk It Through- Many of our course participants have commented that having a close friend or family member who will simply ‘listen’ to you , to hear what you have experienced and are currently feeling is incredibly invaluable. The key suggestion would be to respectfully request your friend or family member to just listen and NOT offer advice. Whilst individuals who care for you and are concerned about you , naturally want to try and help , often by giving ‘advice’ it is far more good for simply have them ‘listen’ to you . This allows you to express the deep emotions you're currently feeling and ‘get them out’ . You've probably been struggling with strong thoughts and feelings following your separation or divorce. By having someone simply ‘listen’ for you and allow you to say whats really on your mind , this can be incredibly healing and provide you an almost immediate sense of relief from those thoughts and feelings. You can approach a detailed trusted friend (somebody will respect your confidentiality) and ask for ‘ i would really appreciate as we could get together for a while , somewhere where we won’t be interrupted and if you could just listen to me as i really need to say whats been happening for me. I am not seeking advice , but would think it is really helpful simply to be able to express whats going on for me at this time”. Obviously , choose your own words. Once you find a buddy who will listen, if you are not sure how to start, its sometimes useful to start off by saying ‘i feel....’ , this can normally open up your dialogue. Your maingoal is to try and express exactly what you are feeling and experiencing. Many of our group members found this incredibly helpful. We now have detailed instructions about this on our ‘Recovery” DVD Set.



2. Learn to Really Relax. Divorce and Separation are among the most stressful experiences we can encounter in life. Learning how to develop relaxation skills is definitely an invaluable tool. Yes , it may seem hard to find the time or energy to ‘relax’ if we are stressed , but this really is symptomatic of the stress itself- take note of this and take action to find ways that relax YOU.

Depending on our divorce support groups and workshops ,participants found the list below of ideas helpful to help them relax;

Walking. A number of our group’s participants had never exercised just before their relationship breakdown. For a lot of , the simple act of starting to walk was found to be HUGELY beneficial. The elevated blood flow , deeper breathing , and rise in endorphins released during brisk walking proved to be hugely helpful in relation to lifting their mood and sense of well being. Try it- test it!! If you are feeling low , anxious or overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts following your divorce or separation , try walking at a brisk pace (but safe and ‘right’ for you personally) , for 30 to 40 minutes preferably , or anything you can manage. Target the ‘act’ of walking , being in the ‘now’ , feeling the environment on your skin . If you have a local park or beach or river , anywhere as close to nature as you can get the better. But most importantly try it. Walking is really a powerful mood lifter.A lot of our ‘stress’ seems to be ‘stored’ in our body. By exercising we release this ‘physical’ stress and at the same time release a lot of our ‘mental’ stress.



Buy a relaxation CD making the conscious effort to take time out , maybe in the early evening , to listen to it for 20-30 minutes . The “Recovery” DVD Set has several useful relaxation exercises onto it also.



Just as walking helps relieve physical and mental stress , many of our groups participants discovered that massage had a surprisingly powerful effect in releasing their stress. Many of the people had never tried massage before , but at other participants recommendations used it and nearly all reported it was very helpful in ‘feeling better’. For other people , relaxation was found through yoga , squash , swimming , meditation , sport or playing a musical instrument . Take the time to find what ‘relaxes’ you. This is really important and very beneficial throughout the separation and divorce
process.

divorce recovery